Remind me to FINISH a book before I start talking about it. Lovely Bones sucked. Impossible ended up sucking.
What is it with the first 100 pages of a book being really good and then....nothing. Complete waste because if the first 100 pages had been like the last 200 pages, you would have stopped a long time ago. However, because you really enjoyed the beginning you suffer through the remainder of the book because you tell yourself that maybe, just maybe, they authoer has a plan and is going to wow you in the end. But, without fail, I always end up disappointed.
Booo!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Impossible
Impossible...
....fitting into my pants.
....becoming independently weathy.
....living on a tropical island.
....writing a book.
and......
....the name of the new book I am reading and loving so far by Nancy Werlin. I will let you know how it ends up but it is great so far! Check it out.
....fitting into my pants.
....becoming independently weathy.
....living on a tropical island.
....writing a book.
and......
....the name of the new book I am reading and loving so far by Nancy Werlin. I will let you know how it ends up but it is great so far! Check it out.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It's a Major Award!
Remember the classic cinema of Ralphy and his Red Rider B-B Gun? His dad came home one night tickled as a farmer with a feather up his butt because he had won a major award. Ah, yes. The electric sex glowing in the window...
Any who, not to compare Bree to Electric Sex Glowing in the window but you get my point, right? I can't wait! Feel bad for Bree (but not bad enough to not take advantage of her undivided attention!)
In other news...I did finish The Lovely Bones and it bored me to tears. Maybe it was too deep and literary for me but I wish I could get those 10 hours of my life back!
Happy booking everyone!
Well, I have won a major award myself. You may recall the Fire Petal Auction I posted about recently. Since I am struggling to pour my guts and livers onto paper in some organized fashion, I bid on a 2 hour lunch / chat / whatever session with the fabulous Bree Despain, author of The Dark Divine (which, by the by, if you haven't read you should be flogged publicly...or something a little less dramatic.)
Any who, not to compare Bree to Electric Sex Glowing in the window but you get my point, right? I can't wait! Feel bad for Bree (but not bad enough to not take advantage of her undivided attention!)
In other news...I did finish The Lovely Bones and it bored me to tears. Maybe it was too deep and literary for me but I wish I could get those 10 hours of my life back!
Happy booking everyone!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Southeast Livin'
Are you all dying to know how my writing is coming? So am I! My writing during the day usually consists of 100's of emails a day that say "I am sorry you are experienceing issues with the new accounting system but due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Please contact someone who cares."
I am going on day WhoKnows of my American tour.
I love the Southeast. It is the only place in the world where I can buy University of South Carolina Gamcock T-shirts like this for souvenirs...
(That is totally me and my body in case you wondered...and yes, I really did buy shirts because I really am that immature.)
It is also the only place where I find myself stopping at a truck stop to get quarters for the laundro-mat while purchasing Power Ball Lottery tickets and a day old pork omlette biscuit from a lady named Marge because she chastises me relentlessly with her mantra "You gotta be In It to Win It."
I won three dollars and then spilled my Diet Pepsi all over the tickets and threw them in the trash. I hope the maid can buy herself something nice.
When I got to my hotel last night at midnight there was a tour bus out front for the Notre Dame Rowing Team. It didn't specify gender but my head went straight to Matt Damon / Dead Poets Society so I set my alarm early for breakfast! Sadly they were gone by the time I got there.
In case you are wondering, Southern men are becoming much more progressive. I went for a massage and pedi today to pass the time in this crazy town.
Number of men giving pedi's and manicures = 4. Number of women = 3. Weird. Not just Lady Gaga weird...more like Black Smoke Monster weird.
A gay man named Vincent was my massage therapist for the day. I left him an extra large tip because the poor boy actually had to massage my bare butt cheeks, in all their cheesy glory. (Plus, I feel bad for making "O" faces and moaning noises when he started working on my shoulders and neck. An extra fiver was the least I could do!)
When I was done, I waddled over to the Steak and Shake. Hands down...best fast food...EVER!!!!! I had a double with an extra large diet and a chocolate shake on the side. On my way out the evil Girl Scout Troop forced me to buy Thin Mints. Those girls are marketing geniuses!! Want to sell cookies? Hang out at the fatty-fatty-two-by-four temple.
I topped off a perfect day by watching Robert Pattinson for two solid hours in Remember Me.
I am going on day WhoKnows of my American tour.
I love the Southeast. It is the only place in the world where I can buy University of South Carolina Gamcock T-shirts like this for souvenirs...
(That is totally me and my body in case you wondered...and yes, I really did buy shirts because I really am that immature.)
It is also the only place where I find myself stopping at a truck stop to get quarters for the laundro-mat while purchasing Power Ball Lottery tickets and a day old pork omlette biscuit from a lady named Marge because she chastises me relentlessly with her mantra "You gotta be In It to Win It."
I won three dollars and then spilled my Diet Pepsi all over the tickets and threw them in the trash. I hope the maid can buy herself something nice.
When I got to my hotel last night at midnight there was a tour bus out front for the Notre Dame Rowing Team. It didn't specify gender but my head went straight to Matt Damon / Dead Poets Society so I set my alarm early for breakfast! Sadly they were gone by the time I got there.
In case you are wondering, Southern men are becoming much more progressive. I went for a massage and pedi today to pass the time in this crazy town.
Number of men giving pedi's and manicures = 4. Number of women = 3. Weird. Not just Lady Gaga weird...more like Black Smoke Monster weird.
A gay man named Vincent was my massage therapist for the day. I left him an extra large tip because the poor boy actually had to massage my bare butt cheeks, in all their cheesy glory. (Plus, I feel bad for making "O" faces and moaning noises when he started working on my shoulders and neck. An extra fiver was the least I could do!)
When I was done, I waddled over to the Steak and Shake. Hands down...best fast food...EVER!!!!! I had a double with an extra large diet and a chocolate shake on the side. On my way out the evil Girl Scout Troop forced me to buy Thin Mints. Those girls are marketing geniuses!! Want to sell cookies? Hang out at the fatty-fatty-two-by-four temple.
I topped off a perfect day by watching Robert Pattinson for two solid hours in Remember Me.
I invited him over afterwards but told him it was a BYOB Party (Bring Your Own Bed). I am expecting him at any moment. How long should I wait? If he isn't here by 3 AM should I assume he isn't coming?
By the way, if you have seen Remember Me, what did you think?
Tomorrow morning I am sleeping in and then I can't decide between 'taters, 'maters and grits at the Waffle House or biscuitt an gravy at Cracker Barrel. Very tough choices.
What do you think my chances of finding Green Eggs for St. Patty's day are?
Tomorrow is day light savings time so by my body clock it's yesterday. I am off to bed! (If I can sleep through the frog croaking in the swamp outside my window.)
Maybe tomorrow I will finish "Lovely Bones". It started off with a bang and has gotten saggy in the middle...sort of reminds me of something....I'm just sayin'...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
What I'm Reading
I am currently reading "The Lovely Bones". I know I said I wouldn't read anything but I had to break that vow. So, I am making an effort to read things unrelated to my book genre.
It's pretty good so far...
Anyone else read it? What are your thoughts?
What are your Top 5 favorite books of all time?
It's pretty good so far...
Anyone else read it? What are your thoughts?
What are your Top 5 favorite books of all time?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Whale or Mermaid?
A poster featuring a young,thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist,they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT? Therefore, they don't have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful.
But I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨
It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist,they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT? Therefore, they don't have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful.
But I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Everything is Fine
I promised myself I wouldn't read anything until my book was finished because I didn't want any influences sneaking into my writing.
But, on Sunday I could write no more. I am so brain dead from work I just didn't have any juices left in me; creative, sugar-free, extra pulp or otherwise. So, I cheated and read "Everything is Fine" by Ann Dee Ellis.
I loved it! Very different and very powerful, or at least extra strength. I can't tell too much without spoiling the story but I loved the angle of depression from the view point of the child. I could completely relate and my heart ached for the child and the mom.
Anyone read it? What did you think?
But, on Sunday I could write no more. I am so brain dead from work I just didn't have any juices left in me; creative, sugar-free, extra pulp or otherwise. So, I cheated and read "Everything is Fine" by Ann Dee Ellis.
I loved it! Very different and very powerful, or at least extra strength. I can't tell too much without spoiling the story but I loved the angle of depression from the view point of the child. I could completely relate and my heart ached for the child and the mom.
Anyone read it? What did you think?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Cruel an Inhumane Punishment!
Air travel is one of the worst types of inhumane punishment. Let me count the ways
The Drop Off – Rolling out of the passenger seat of your car at 3 MPH as your husband chucks your suitcase after you through the sun roof.
The Kiosk – Waiting in line to be given the option of checking your itinerary and printing your boarding pass using any of five methods you can’t seem to remember.
ID Check – Holding your breathe and waiting for the crabby man behind the counter to tell you that you are on the FBI’s most wanted list and will not be allowed to travel and letting it out with relief when he lets you pass.
Security – The pressure of seeing how fast you can rip off your knife-tipped shoes, studded belt, jacket and jewelry and then pull out all your personal bomb making liquids disguised in your toiletry bottles, take out your secret spy intelligence smuggling laptop and race through the radar arch just to be patted down by a woman named Helen looking for coke in your small intestine and returning to gather your belongings before they are run over by the next persons stuff.
Loading – Waiting for your special, privileged “Zone” to be called so you can muscle your way past the women and children to get a spot for your own oversized carry-on.
The Middle Seat – Trapped. The sensation of having to pee is prevalent from the moment you sit down until you are off the plane.
The Window Seat – Even more trapped and an even more excessive peeing sensation coupled with a gas bubble.
The Smoker – Sitting next to someone who just inhaled a chimney to prepare for his 4 hours of withdrawal and having your clothes smell like him for the rest of the day. You have to turn on your overhead air even though you are freezing just to get some oxygen.
Infant in Arms – Do I really need to say anything about this one?
The Bathroom – Anyone who ever bragged about the mile high club is a damn liar.
The Beverage Service – A nasty cookie and a shot of pop. I want to barf on the man next to me and eat his young by the time we land. I think I’m allergic to it. What’s worse is the person next to you who packs their own homemade “snack” of nasty stinky cheese and warm bologna.
The Announcements – Shut up, shut up, shut up!!! You aren’t funny, no one cares about the winds out of the north and if you thank me one more time for flying with you I am going to wrap that cord around your neck and choke you.
The Landing – Cell phones out everyone, on the count of three. “We just landed” “We just landed” “Hey, Bob, we just landed.” Everyone, in case you haven’t noticed you are still trapped in an enclosed space with 250 tired and irritable people. Save it for the terminal.
The Hurry Up and Wait – As soon as the seat belt light goes off let’s jump into the aisle and grab all of our belongings and make everyone claustrophobic for 20 minutes while we wait for the door to open.
The Pick Up – You can’t get out front and into the car fast enough. Your ears are still ringing from the noise of the plane and it takes about five miles before your heart rate has returned to normal.
I feel so violated when the day is done and I want to bleach myself inside and out.
Maybe it’s just me?
I like to pass the time by playing LOST.
I look around the plane and try to pick out Sawyer, Jack, Siyed, John Locke, Hurley the Korean guy. I’m Kate of course, I’m always Kate. Anyone who might be competition dies in the crash. It’s very sad.
The Drop Off – Rolling out of the passenger seat of your car at 3 MPH as your husband chucks your suitcase after you through the sun roof.
The Kiosk – Waiting in line to be given the option of checking your itinerary and printing your boarding pass using any of five methods you can’t seem to remember.
ID Check – Holding your breathe and waiting for the crabby man behind the counter to tell you that you are on the FBI’s most wanted list and will not be allowed to travel and letting it out with relief when he lets you pass.
Security – The pressure of seeing how fast you can rip off your knife-tipped shoes, studded belt, jacket and jewelry and then pull out all your personal bomb making liquids disguised in your toiletry bottles, take out your secret spy intelligence smuggling laptop and race through the radar arch just to be patted down by a woman named Helen looking for coke in your small intestine and returning to gather your belongings before they are run over by the next persons stuff.
Loading – Waiting for your special, privileged “Zone” to be called so you can muscle your way past the women and children to get a spot for your own oversized carry-on.
The Middle Seat – Trapped. The sensation of having to pee is prevalent from the moment you sit down until you are off the plane.
The Window Seat – Even more trapped and an even more excessive peeing sensation coupled with a gas bubble.
The Smoker – Sitting next to someone who just inhaled a chimney to prepare for his 4 hours of withdrawal and having your clothes smell like him for the rest of the day. You have to turn on your overhead air even though you are freezing just to get some oxygen.
Infant in Arms – Do I really need to say anything about this one?
The Bathroom – Anyone who ever bragged about the mile high club is a damn liar.
The Beverage Service – A nasty cookie and a shot of pop. I want to barf on the man next to me and eat his young by the time we land. I think I’m allergic to it. What’s worse is the person next to you who packs their own homemade “snack” of nasty stinky cheese and warm bologna.
The Announcements – Shut up, shut up, shut up!!! You aren’t funny, no one cares about the winds out of the north and if you thank me one more time for flying with you I am going to wrap that cord around your neck and choke you.
The Landing – Cell phones out everyone, on the count of three. “We just landed” “We just landed” “Hey, Bob, we just landed.” Everyone, in case you haven’t noticed you are still trapped in an enclosed space with 250 tired and irritable people. Save it for the terminal.
The Hurry Up and Wait – As soon as the seat belt light goes off let’s jump into the aisle and grab all of our belongings and make everyone claustrophobic for 20 minutes while we wait for the door to open.
The Pick Up – You can’t get out front and into the car fast enough. Your ears are still ringing from the noise of the plane and it takes about five miles before your heart rate has returned to normal.
I feel so violated when the day is done and I want to bleach myself inside and out.
Maybe it’s just me?
I like to pass the time by playing LOST.
I look around the plane and try to pick out Sawyer, Jack, Siyed, John Locke, Hurley the Korean guy. I’m Kate of course, I’m always Kate. Anyone who might be competition dies in the crash. It’s very sad.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Manllow, Sawyer Brown, Fire Petal
I know Christmas has just passed and my birthday isn't until October but you would be my very best friend in the world if you bought me an Edward and Jacob Manllow.
What in the world has she done to Jacob??? You horrible Asian-version Bella! Get your hands off Edward Manllow and get your stinky, groady feet away from Jacob's face!!
Moving on...I am in Tennesse again this week. I was having dinner with a collegue at a local Mexican restaurant.
I look over a few tables down and see Sawyer!! OMG, It's Sawyer...from LOST! Why is he wearing an apron and waiting on tables? Am I the only one who see's this?
Wait! EEEEK! He is coming this way! He is coming up to our table..he is going to say something...I think I'm going to faint!!
"Guud e'vn, folks, whuuut ccnn I git fer ya'll?"
Yikes. The voice is drawlly and slightly retarded. This can't be my Sawyer. It sure looks like him but this must be some country version, like the 90's Sawyer Brown band perhaps?
Close mouth....swoon.
Open mouth....cringe.
"Excuse me, sir? Could you just stand there and shut up? I will point to what I want. Thanks!"
Anyway, in the interest of staying with the book club theme here, Michelle Witte is trying to raise money to open Fire Petal Books in Centerville, UT. Fire Petal Books is dedicated to improving literacy and writing skills for kids and teens. In addition to selling quality children’s and young adult books, the store will play host to a variety of groups, programs, and activities.
They are having an auction to raise money; books, accessories, authors are donating time to edit manuscripts, etc.
So click here to check it out! Fire Petal Books Auction
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Step 1
This is the first post of the rest of....well....this blog.
I signed up for a writing seminar in June and the group offering the seminar was kind enough to send an email inviting everyone to join some sort of e-group.
Suddenly I am receiving emails as follows...
"Dah-ling, when can we get together and exchange chapters? I'm on my third book, what about you?"
"I have my second in submittal and I have started my fourth, you?"
"I'd just love it if we could exchange blog addee's"
"I'm very interested in writing a complex character, I do hope Professor Dumbledore plans on covering that topic."
And on, and on...
So I am freaked out. Want to know how my little book is coming along? Um...it's literally vomit in the form of 66 pages of Microsoft Word.
I wanted to write a book just to see if I could. I like a challenge. I like accomplishing things. I like taking on the impossible and kicking it's trash.
But, I work an average of 55 hours a week, 45 on a good week and about 70-80 the other 35 weeks of the year. I travel a lot. I have two children and a husband who makes it all possible. But, even with my SuperMan, there isn't a lot left of me to go around. (Figuratively speaking...literally speaking there is plenty. Too much, even.)
I'm an accountant for hell's sake's. Not a story writer. Not a plot thickener. And don't even get me started on dialogue!
Here is what I have accomplished...
Meet Cameryn Edwards
Her brother Dayne (I know...weird how he looks like Zac Efron, right? You are seeing things.)
His friend Austin Rivers...
And...drum roll please...
The Leading Man, Mr. Macoy Parker...
Now, I can't say I have gotten much writing done but I have spent a lot of time, um, researching and memorizing said male characters so I can describe them adequately. It's all about accuracy, I am nothing if not thorough!
Any how, click on the link at the side to follow my blog and join my little book club where we will talk about none other than....books! The writers of them, the readers of them and everything in between!
I signed up for a writing seminar in June and the group offering the seminar was kind enough to send an email inviting everyone to join some sort of e-group.
Suddenly I am receiving emails as follows...
"Dah-ling, when can we get together and exchange chapters? I'm on my third book, what about you?"
"I have my second in submittal and I have started my fourth, you?"
"I'd just love it if we could exchange blog addee's"
"I'm very interested in writing a complex character, I do hope Professor Dumbledore plans on covering that topic."
And on, and on...
So I am freaked out. Want to know how my little book is coming along? Um...it's literally vomit in the form of 66 pages of Microsoft Word.
I wanted to write a book just to see if I could. I like a challenge. I like accomplishing things. I like taking on the impossible and kicking it's trash.
But, I work an average of 55 hours a week, 45 on a good week and about 70-80 the other 35 weeks of the year. I travel a lot. I have two children and a husband who makes it all possible. But, even with my SuperMan, there isn't a lot left of me to go around. (Figuratively speaking...literally speaking there is plenty. Too much, even.)
I'm an accountant for hell's sake's. Not a story writer. Not a plot thickener. And don't even get me started on dialogue!
Here is what I have accomplished...
Meet Cameryn Edwards
His friend Austin Rivers...
And...drum roll please...
The Leading Man, Mr. Macoy Parker...
Now, I can't say I have gotten much writing done but I have spent a lot of time, um, researching and memorizing said male characters so I can describe them adequately. It's all about accuracy, I am nothing if not thorough!
Any how, click on the link at the side to follow my blog and join my little book club where we will talk about none other than....books! The writers of them, the readers of them and everything in between!
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