Censorship Sucks

I received an email this week that the 15 pages of my new novel are due June 4th. PLUS...a 1 page and a 3 page synopsis of the novel. I am a little freaked out by the synopsis part. I've never written a synopsis, let alone a 3 page one that is interesting.

Guess what I will be doing with my Memorial Day weekend? It should be a nice break from cleaning my doggie-floors!

This week I have been thinking a lot about censorship.

I used to be very open, bold even, in my blogging. I used to LOVE blogging. But I received a lot of criticism, enough that I stopped blogging altogether for a few years because, if I couldn't say what I really thought/meant/wanted...what was the point?

I am finding that is true with my writing as well. I am worried about who will read it and what they will think, that they will frown upon me because I am too...me. Because "Me" is not like anyone else around. Not even close.

I have wanted to quit writing altogether because of self-censorship. It is hard to hang one's metaphorical heart on one's sleeve and keep from being made a fool in the process. In fact, I daresay it's impossible. I am trying to write my entire new manuscript without using one swear word or edgy, inappropriate theme. And I'll be honest. It ain't easy.

The real question is--am I brave enough to keep writing AND stop the self-censorship?

I don't know if I am. I can see myself getting published and then being ridiculed beyond what I can handle. How dare I write books for young adults that are truthful and raw and still call myself a "good person"?

They tell me to change what I think, say and write and then they will accept me. Did they ever think that perhaps it's not me that has the problem? But it doesn't matter. I'm still the one that has to live with it.

Censorship sucks.